His Name was John
"Happiness is not something ready-made.
It comes from your own actions"
- Dalai Lama
Today I have an antic widow adventure to share with you.
Cancer, Death and the Chaplain.
After my husband passed away,
and all the dust had settled,
everyone had returned home to their different states, my daughter and I were left alone with our thoughts and our lonely quiet home.
Having been used to a house full of people for a quite a long time and the walls seemed to close in.
At about two weeks, following the celebration of life (that included a lot of tequila, because well… we could)
after all of the hullabaloo, I couldn't stand the way I was feeling.
It felt as though I was going to crawl out of my skin.
I was riddled with grief, pain, fear of the unknown, I wasn't sleeping well, and I wasn't eating well.
My body was full of angst and denial, the ravages of grief.
Being a high D…
If you're familiar with any of the personality and behavioral style assessments, DISC – Myers-Briggs, or others, I am a high D in the DISC personality assessment.
That means high Driver to get stuff done.
When I'm stressed, anxious, or pissed off, my D goes through the roof and if I’m being real here, I become kind of a Beee*tch.
I look for things I can control or do
to help alleviate whatever it is I'm feeling, anything that doesn’t feel like rainbows and sunshine, I seek to sooth.
I decided to call the Hospice chaplain.
His name was John.
John had performed the celebration of life for my late husband and supported us through his dying process. Certainly, he'd have some answers and be able to direct me in a way that would help me feel better, I thought.
“John” I said, “I can't stand this any longer!”
He said,” tell me what’s going on”
“I can’t deal with how I’m feeling!” I went on to tell him how I was feeling-
what I was doing and not doing…
all the things that had me desperate for some relief.
Then emphatically I said, “what are the top three things I can do right now to get over this?” for a visual here…. My right fist pounding in my left palm.
I could sense that he smiled in a kind and compassionate way,
knowing that what I wanted was not possible.
It wasn't until months later that I found out from one of my best friends, Becky who was the Hospice executive director at the time, told me how everyone got a kick out of my call and request. It kind of became water cooler chatter.
The deal is we all know grief just doesn't work that way! There is NOT “3-things” that will alleviate our pain and sadness.
But what I found out
Time does not heal all wounds and
Overtime, the sharp edges of grief do soften.
And that overtime and doing some work I could feel better, happy even.
You can feel better too. I promise!!
I went to work… it was my full-time job to try to find and do whatever I could to feel better.
➡ I went to western medicine doctors,
➡ Eastern medicine doctors,
➡ Natural paths,
➡ A health coach,
➡ A grief coach,
➡ A grief group,
➡ One to one therapy,
I did it all.
There is no quick fix…
Grief is work.
For any of you that think ‘well, it’s been 2 years or 5 years’ or whatever amount of time it’s been since your late husband died….
If you’re thinking “I should be better by now” -OR- “I will never feel better”
Sadly, time isn’t the answer, and you won’t just get better, if you don’t put in the work.
Read on… I can promise you will feel better by doing some easy things in a short amount of time.
Based on what I learned, as I worked through specific steps and did the activities, the journaling, I started walking and eating better…
I did all the little things
and it wasn’t long before those little things started paying off in a big way.
I felt better.
I had more energy.
I had hope instead of dread.
You can too!
My optimistic personality showed back up.
If you can relate to some or all of this and you’re interested in some support, where I share all the things, I learned the hard way
hit me up.
I promise I have something for you.
A course, or a call, or something that will help you start to turn things around!
I know not everyone can afford a 1:1 coaching and mentoring support package.
So… drum roll please….
that’s why I created Better Days Blueprint
BDB is a high value - low - cost support self-study mini-course.
I take my job serious and have poured 4 years of blood, sweat, and yes, a lot of tears into Renegade Widow and all of the various offerings I use to help YOU.
A ship cannot turn its course until it starts moving. The same applies to widowhood, grief, and transformation.
A little about BDB:
BDB is a 4-part mini course put together with lessons, journaling prompts, various activities to help you start moving in a direction that feels good and right.
In module 1, we cover time and task support, I had to use this method to help me come through all of my late husband’s belongings, his clothes, tools, hobbies, a sand rail, tons of CD’s, his collection of guns, all of the things or would have gone out of my mind.
We are left with doing all the things, everything is placed smack dab on our shoulders whether we want it or not. This fact is one of the hardest things I face in my widow adventures. Being a tad or a lot OCD, I absolutely had to get organized or I would have gone mad.
In module 2, here we give you reminders of very simple but healing self-care activities. Sometimes we need to be reminded, we are the only ones that will take care of us.
Our well-being is on us.
If you are living with habits that don’t serve you and a better life, you will enjoy the activities we offer to help stimulate your mind, body, and soul in a way that feels so good, you’ll be amazed.
In module 3, we go over ways for you to make space in your life for you to live and thrive. We all have stuck grief and limiting beliefs that can keep us living small and fearful.
In this module, you will be guided in an easy way to clean out some of that gunk, how to make space for more good things in your life and a lot more better days.
In module 4, we teach you how to rephrase your words and sentences so that you are speaking empowerment, positivity, and confidence into your life. Our words have power, you will learn how to shift that power for your good.
Better Days Blueprint will address any task you have in an easy, fun, inspiring way.
It’s priced lower than a trip through the McDonalds drive through.
$24 is going to get you 100’s of hours of support work my team and I have poured into helping you turn your ship toward a more positive direction.
I’ve included the link and just to help you take action right away,
You’ll get a 30-day money back guarantee!
If you purchase Better Days Blueprint for widows and don’t see positive change, you can have a full refund.
I have a huge favor to ask and then I will close todays message, will you do me a solid and share the Better Days Blueprint link with 2 or 3 of your sister widows?
A power thought *** If you find it helpful, how about you create your own personal support system. Gather 2 or 3 friends who will also purchase this value packed program, go through the program with you, and hold your own accountability system.
Blessings Renegade Widows… signing off.