Updated: Nov 21, 2020
My late husband passed away the day before Thanksgiving in 2011.
If this year is a year of first, for you, I know how hard it is.
This Thanksgiving, if it's your first, maybe even your second or third, it can be too easy to lay in a puddle of misery, thoughts rushing, tears pouring, anger brewing, and all over a super shitty day.
I want to share a little about my first Thanksgiving after losing my husband.
We had intended to spend the day at our house, we had all of our family in town anyway, for Mark’s passing. Of course, we wanted him to be able to enjoy the holiday, as much as he could, even from bed.
When he passed away the day before Thanksgiving, I called one of my best friends, who was planning to spend the day with us. They were a short walk down the street- 5 houses away, I said “I can’t have Thanksgiving here”.... She immediately said, “well, let’s do it here at our house!”
We toted ourselves, and any food, (honestly can't remember what we took) down the street and we commenced drinking Mimosas.
I didn’t cook.
I didn’t help.
I sat and actually enjoyed the festivities, as best as we all could, under the circumstances.
Next, immediately after the meal, I rallied the troops, we put thermoses of mimosas together, and headed out to Michael’s to buy half off Christmas trees!
Was it the same as before my late husband passed?
Did it kill me not to be a stick in the mud the whole day and bring everyone else down further than they already were?
I made a decision that day, to be grateful my husband was in heaven, feeling young and healthy again, and to NOT associate his death with the Thanksgiving holiday.
Again, if this year is a year of first, I know how hard it is.
After that “first” Thanksgiving day, I laid on the couch for days, weeks even. But I’m so THANKFUL that I decided not to associate his death with Thanksgiving.
I decided not to lay on the couch and skip the holiday all together, just one day later.
I was appreciative that my girlfriend hosted and I could just be, be whatever the hell I wanted that day. Which, by the way, is something I was NOT good at in those days. I’m getting better and better at just being.... it’s a journey in and of itself.
I want to encourage you, the early stage of grief will not kill you. You will continue to live and thrive if you decide.
You. Get. To. Decide.
If you’re a little further out in your journey as a widow, take heart, I promise, you can fully enjoy your life again too!
If that is something that doesn’t sound possible, go ahead and give it a try, and let me know how it goes.
Sending so much love this Thanksgiving,
Love and blessings,